Broken
by merder4everandever
Summary: Meredith and Derek are both broken about their failed relationship. But, when Derek starts dating Rose, why can't he get Meredith out of his head? Even worse, why is she snuggling up to someone he never saw coming...
1. Chapter 1

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A/N: You see this was going to be a one-shot, but then I decided to make it into a fic because well...I wanted to. It's basically the whole Rose/Derek/Mer triangle with a bit of a twist. (i hate to say it, but the storyline is actually intriguing)****Review please and tell me your thoughts. **

**Song: Broken by Lifehouse**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Greys, and I'm glad I don't cause seriously, some people are way mean to Shonda. **

The leaves flew by his windows, and his breath matched the wind. He sat in his car. An hour ago the parking lot had been completely packed. But now, it was empty, just like him…_empty_. His eyes were fixed on the hospital in front of him. So many things had happened in Seattle Grace; so many unexpected painful things. Several hours ago he broke up with the love of his life and asked Rose out. He liked Rose. She was sweet and mature. She knew what she wanted. But sitting in that empty lot, he had no clue what he wanted. The pain of the break up still lingered and he tried desperately to make it go away. He was falling apart without her. He was jerked out of his thinking when a small tap came from the window. He looked up and smiled. Rolling down the window he asked, "What are you still doing here?"

Rose smirked. "I should be asking you the same question." She quietly opened the passenger door and crawled in. "Are you okay?" she asked after a few moments. "You seem…sad."

He shook his head, fighting back the unwanted tears. "I'm fine."

She nodded. Looking down at her hands she questioned, "So, if you don't mind me asking…what happened with you and Meredith?"

"We broke up," he answered, his voice on the verge of breaking. "We're done."

"For good?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat and let his head fall back on the seat. "Yeah…I think."

She noticed the pain in his voice, the regret. But, she really liked him. He was perfect, she couldn't give him up. But in the back of her mind she knew she was the rebound girl. In his eyes, she would never be _the_ girl. It hurt her, but it was the truth. She tried telling herself that she would end up hurt, that this was stupid…but she couldn't help it. She was falling in love with him, far too fast.

"Is it, I mean…are you okay with that?" She didn't want the answer. Oh God she didn't want the answer…

He looked at her, his eyes glassy. She felt her cheeks redden. It was as if he could see right through her, like he knew her. "Yeah, it's been too long," he slowly stated. "Meredith and I…we're not meant to be."

She smiled, relieved. "So you're ready to move on?"

He reached for her hand and nodded. "Yeah…yeah I am." So many lies were coming off his lips. He wasn't ready. He was still holding onto her, to Meredith. He still loved her. She was still the person he envisioned himself with. Yet, she wasn't here. She wasn't with him…Rose was. _It's time to move on_.

* * *

She clenched the pillow close to her chest. Her hair fell over her face and the tears that crept down her cheeks stung her eyes. She watched them fall off her nose onto the pillow. The tiny droplets of water amazed her. How could the human body produce something so beautiful yet tragic? Concentrating on the path of her tears she thought back to him. _You can't trust anyone_. His words cut her so deep. Was it true? She felt useless, defeated. The world would be such a better place without her. She knew that. She was way too damaged. Whoever put up with her deserved a medal. She trailed her fingers along the soft material of the sheets and brought them up to her heart. Was there such a thing as a broken heart? She felt the soft thump of the organ against her chest. _It's not broken _she thought. "It works…" she whispered into the air. The darkness of the room was actually comforting. She looked out her window and watched the moon, the only light in the somber room. "Why," she asked to the night, "Why did you have to make me like this? Why do you enjoy kicking my ass?" Her only response was the quiet wind and the beating of her _broken_ heart.

"Mer…" a voice came from her bedroom door. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, quickly wiping off the tears. "Yeah, what's up?"

Lexie Grey made her way to Meredith's bed and slowly sat down on the edge. She pushed back some of her hair. "Thanks for breakfast today."

"You already said thank you Lexie…this is the tenth time," she answered coldly. She hated how mean she was being. It wasn't Lexie's fault that she was a morbid disaster.

"Oh," Lexie sighed, looking down at her feet. "Still, that was sweet."

Meredith bit her bottom lip and prayed the tears would go away. She couldn't cry in front of her sister yet… "Uhm Derek and I broke up."

"I heard…he's an ass."

"Who told you?" she asked turning from the window.

"The whole hospital knows. I am so sorry Meredith…"

"No, don't be. It was…it wasn't meant to be." She pulled her sweater around her arms and looked back out the window. "It's so pretty at night," she said a few moments later. "Even when it rains…it's beautiful."

After a moment of silence, Lexie stood from the bed and walked over to her sister. "This isn't your fault you know. It's our excuse for a dad."

Meredith laughed. For a split second she felt happy. She never had a sibling, but it was nice to have someone who held the same burdens she did. "Thanks," she giggled. "It means a lot."

Lexie smiled. "That's what sisters are for." She squeezed Meredith's hand then walked out of the bedroom, disappearing into the dark hallway.

* * *

"So tonight was fun," Rose said as she swayed Derek's hand back and fourth. "I mean I'm not a huge Italian fan but that place was really good."

"What did I tell you?" He smiled, "It's the best place in the city. Meredith and I go there all the time…" His voice trailed off as he realized what he had just said. Why did she invade his mind all the time?! "Oh…I'm sorry."

Rose tried to cover up her disappointment with a small smile. "Hey, no hard feelings…you two dated for a long time."

He nodded. "I'm letting go of her, just so you know."

She grinned. "Good." Leaning in to kiss him, she placed her hand on his chest. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, trailing his fingers on her cheek. It wasn't the same as kissing Meredith, he thought. When he kissed Meredith a rush of heat rinsed over his body. When he kissed Meredith he kissed her with passion, with love. When he kissed Rose…it was just a kiss. But with Meredith, it was _so much more_.

Backing away from her lips, he smiled. "So coffee?"

She shrugged. "How about ice cream?"

"Now there's the sweet tooth I met."

"Oh shut up, like you've _never_ had ice cream?"

"I never said that," he defensively argued. "I just don't like junk food."

She playfully rolled her eyes then moved closer to him. "We can fix that."

He grinned then continued walking, his mind concentrating not on Rose…but Meredith. _She loved strawberry ice cream, _he thought. He hated how everything related back to _her. _But most of all, he hated that he _let_ everything relate back to her.

* * *

**A/N: 6 letters: review :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, keep reviewing!!!!!!! **

Meredith blinked as the sun blared through her open window. She groaned and pulled the covers over her head. She buried her face deep into her pillow, tightening her grip on her soft sheets

"Meredith?" Lexie's soft voice came from her bedroom door. "Izzie made breakfast; do you want to come down?"

"Ugh, no…I think I'm just going to stay in bed," she mumbled, her words barely audible.

"You can't Mer, you are going to have to face Derek sometime. You have to stop sulking!"

Meredith hated to admit it, but Lexie was right. Why was she lying in bed depressed? Derek was probably out on a hot date with Rose. She should be on a hot date too!

Pulling the covers off her face, she propped herself up on her elbows. "Alight, alright…I'm coming down."

Lexie smiled. "Great, we're all downstairs."

Meredith yawned as she quickly got out of bed, slipping her tired feet into her favorite pair of slippers. Grabbing her robe from the closet, she sluggishly walked down the stairs, the filling aroma of pancakes as her only incentive.

"Smells good," she said as she reached the table loaded with pancakes, butter, syrup, and juice.

"It's delicious," George relished as he bit into another pancake. "Like heaven."

Izzie smiled approvingly, glad that her friends enjoyed her cooking.

"Hey you guys weren't like this over my eggs!" Meredith argued, her arms crossed over her chest.

George looked up, pancake still in his mouth. "Um, your eggs were good too…if you like crappy food," he mumbled to himself.

Meredith rolled her eyes then grabbed a pancake off the table. "I'm going to head into work early so don't wait up."

"You sure?" Alex asked as he poured a boatload of syrup on his food.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she said. "Just page me when you get there."

Izzie nodded, waving her spatula at her friend. "Got it Mer."

* * *

She slammed the door to her car as she hurried towards the hospital doors. She had to avoid Derek at all costs. Sneaking in the back door, she quickly ran up the flight of stairs and reached the nurses station. She was out of breath by the time she arrived, but it was worth it. Bumping into Derek was not something she wanted to do. As she reached down to pick up a chart, she accidentally spilled her steaming hot coffee all over her new shirt. 

"Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!" she repeated to herself as she tried her best to wave the heat off her chest.

"Woo, Grey. I thought O'Malley was the only clumsy one."

Meredith looked up, pleased to see Mark Sloan with a bunch of napkins in his large hands.

"Thanks," she acknowledged, snatching the napkins.

The handsome surgeon nodded, obviously amused by the frazzled resident. "You are extremely sexy when you spill coffee."

"Shut up!" she snapped, a small smile playing on her lips. "I usually never spill anything."

Mark chuckled. "Too bad you weren't wearing a white shirt…"

Meredith looked up, her eye brow cocked. "You are a pig."

"Hey! That's not very nice. I like to consider myself a womanizer."

A small noise escaped Meredith's throat. "You are seriously pathetic."

Mark resumed his cocky grin, not at all phased by Meredith's words. He knew as well as she did that she didn't really mean it. In fact, Mark thought it charmed her.

"So rumor has it you and Derek called it quits."

She stopped wiping the wet coffee off her shirt and looked up, her hair covering her green eyes. "Who told you that?"

"Derek, he's my best friend."

"Of course," she mumbled, brushing back her hair. "He doesn't have faith in me," she sighed a few moments later.

"Hmmm, that is not the story I heard," he said playfully, purposely trying to make her mad. "He told me you don't trust him."

"He's full of shit," she argued, ignoring the awkward glances from the nurses' station.

Mark smiled. "I have an extra shirt in my locker. It's ten times bigger than you, but it's better walking around with a see through shirt."

"Its fine Mark…I really don't need it."

A few snickers and laughs erupted from the corner of the room.

"Screw it," she surrendered. "Where's your shirt?"

"Follow me…"

He led her to his locker and quickly unlocked it. Pulling the ridiculously large T-shirt out of the packed compartment he handed it to her. "From my chest, to yours."

"SHUT UP!" she laughed, her cheeks red.

As she pulled the shirt over her head, it draped down to her knees. "Oh my God I can't wear this!" she said astonished at how tiny she was compared to him.

"Oh come on now," he cracked up, tilting his head, "You look really cute."

"This is _really_ huge!"

"Cute trumps huge," he said matter-of-factly. "Plus, you have nothing else."

She groaned loudly. "Stupid me with my stupid coffee and my stupid boyfriend…"

"Ex boyfriend," Mark corrected as he took a sip of water.

"Right." She looked down at the huge T-shirt covering most of her body and grinned in spite of herself. "I look like a dork."

"You look beautiful," he replied, not a hint of sarcasm or mockery in his voice.

Meredith smiled. Mark seemed to really mean it. She didn't know it was possible for him to act like a gentleman.

"Why thank you Mark."

"Anytime Grey…now if it's really bothering you, tie the excess up with a rubber band or something."

She tilted her head, contemplating this. "That's actually not a bad idea."

"I'm always thinking Grey, always thinking."

* * *

Derek scribbled a quick note in his chart then went out searching for Mark. He had so much to tell him. His date with Rose went surprisingly well and he could not wait to gossip with Mark about it. Suddenly, he caught him creeping out of the attending locker room with some girl. _Typical Mark _he thought to himself. But when he looked more closely, she was not some girl; it was…it was Meredith.

"What the…" he said to himself, amazed by how flirty they were being." He crept behind the walls and tried his best to understand what they were saying. Unfortunately he was startled by his new girlfriend.

"Woo, hey what are you doing?" she asked laughing.

He let out a nervous laugh then shrugged. "Oh nothing. I dropped something so…"

She smiled. "Right…well I was thinking we should do something tonight."

'Tonight?"

"Yeah, why do you have plans?" she inquired, her voice a tad disappointed.

"No, no, actually tonight is perfect. You can pick the restaurant this time."

"Yes!" she squealed. "I know the _perfect_ place. They have the best chocolate cake and…"

Derek tried his best to concentrate on what Rose was saying but he just couldn't. His best friend and ex girlfriend were talking, no more than talking, flirting! He couldn't believe it. Meredith could never be attracted to Mark! He wasn't her type…or was he?

"Derek, earth to Derek…?"

"Oh, oh sorry," he blinked. "I was just uh…sorry."

She nodded. "That's okay; just try not to zone out on me." She attempted to laugh it off, but failed miserably. Why did he never hear her words? She listened to him- all the time- why couldn't he concentrate on her, and only her?

"I won't," he promised. His thumping heart echoed in his chest but he could not let that affect him. So what if Meredith wanted to date Mark. So what if they flirted once in awhile. It was perfectly fine, they broke up. Yet Derek was secretly brooding inside. He hated the thought of Meredith with another guy, especially if that guy was supposed to be his _best friend_! He didn't mean to sound mean. He wanted Meredith to be happy, but every time she smiled at someone else, his breath hitched in his throat and his heart quickened. He knew he was jealous, but would never admit it. He had to push his feelings aside and focus on Rose…

…but they wouldn't go away.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys!!! I'm loving all these positive reviews. Anyways, I'm honestly not sure of the ships. As of now, its mermark, but knowing me that may change. I know how I'm going to end this story, and let's just say you won't completely know the ships then either…hehe I'm so tricky. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own greys, no I don't…Since I don't, sue you won't. **

* * *

Izzie Stevens was always prepared for any kind of emotional disaster. So when Meredith came in depressed one night, she knew _exactly_ what to do. 

"Hey Mer!" she exclaimed. "I thought maybe we could do something tonight, some girl time."

"I'm not in the mood." Thunder roared through the house and the lights flickered on and off.

"Aw come on Mer…we can go catch a movie or something."

"It's raining," she stated, pouring herself a glass of wine. "We could die from a lightening bolt…not that that's bad or anything."

Izzie rolled her eyes, annoyed at her attitude. "You have got to stop this. So what if Derek and Rose are going out. Who flipping cares?"

"I do!" she screamed, her voice seemed out of breath. "I do, and it sucks that he's with _her_…"

Izzie sighed, making her way towards Meredith. "You have got to move on."

"I don't want to," she explained, taking another sip of her red wine. "He's, he's Derek. He's not supposed to be like this."

"Not everyone is perfect," Izzie reminded her friend, taking great care in watching how many sips she took from her wine glass. "And getting drunk is not going to change that."

"I know," Meredith whined. "I know, I know…"

"How about we order pizza or something?" Izzie's optimism was back and annoyed the heck out of Meredith.

"No, I think I'm just going to go up to bed."

"Are you sure?" she asked, concerned etched in her voice.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded walking up the stairs. "Like you said, no use getting drunk."

* * *

Derek Shepherd was never a man with many words. He usually kept his feelings to himself, but when he met Meredith all of that changed. Meredith changed the person he was, the person he was aiming to be. She did things to him, strange thing that he could not reverse. She was like a drug, and he got hooked. He figured the best way to get over her would be to focus his addiction on something else, something maybe better. Then he met Rose. But, nevertheless, his addiction was still present and even he had to admit that it wouldn't really ever go away. 

"Do you think Mark and Meredith could ever last?" he asked Rose as she changed into her pajamas. "I'm not saying they are a couple or anything, but I don't know…if they were, would they last?" He didn't know why he was so curious about this.

"Can we please stop talking about Mark and Meredith?" she groaned. "Can we just stop talking about Meredith in general? Please?"

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, sure…sorry, I've been acting weird lately."

"No kidding," she agreed as she took off her "ring" necklace. That necklace held all of her secrets, everything she held inside. She couldn't explain it to anyone…not even Derek.

"Yeah, but I am really sorry."

She smiled. He had this way of calming her down. He made her feel happy, appreciated.

"I forgive you," she said in a mocking way then quickly kissed him. "Let's just try to focus on us."

She nibbled lightly on his ear, but he pushed her away. "Sorry, I'm tired…can we do this another time?" He hated to do this, but he just wasn't ready. She had to give him time to heal.

"Oh." She backed away, frusterated and angry. "Is it because I'm not Meredith?"

"Rose, don't do this…" he pleaded. Getting into a fight was not on his list of priorites.

"No, it's okay please tell me…is it because I am not Meredith Grey? Is this what this is about?"'

"No, of course not…I just don't think we're ready."

She shook her head. "Will we ever be ready Derek?"

This was a question he never wanted to answer.

* * *

It was like any other day. You had your critical ER patients, the hypochondriacs, the minor OR patients, and so on and so fourth. Normally, Meredith didn't mind the different types of patients. It added some variety to her rather monotonous life. But what she hated was waiting for those patients. Tuesday mornings were the worst. On a crazy day, 20 patients, tops, would arrive. Thursdays on the other hand were extremely busy. Instead of 20, 200 people stormed through the doors complaining of itchy throats and sores. But of course today was Tuesday, and of course Meredith Grey's life needed a Thursday. 

"I brought you coffee," Mark Sloan's cheery voice rang from the hall.

"Oh," she said sullenly. "Great, thanks."

"What's up with you?" he asked, a little taken back that she wasn't completely falling over him. All of the other women were. Hell every single nurse on the 3rd floor was. But Meredith…she was tough. But maybe that's what attracted him to her so much, just like that first moment they met.

"_Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger," she said, a small grin on her perfect peach lips. "Are you new here?"_

"_Visiting," he stated, charmed by her flirtatious demeanor, "…confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town."_

"_You get used to it," she replied, ignoring his eyes. _

"_Makes me want to stay in bed all day." He loved how she looked up, her golden hair hiding her eyes._

"_We just met and already you're talking about bed…not very subtle."_

_He grinned in spite of himself; there was something about this girl, something he could not put his finger on. "Subtle has never really been my strong suit." He admitted. "So, ever go out with coworkers?" He could tell she wanted him, bad…but hey who could blame her? He was Mark Sloan, every girl's fantasy._

"_I uhm make it a rule not to," she smiled. She definitely had an awesome smile. _

"_Then I am so glad I don't work here." His grin was widening but he didn't care._

"_Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?" She seemed completely turned on by his charm, which made him flirt even more. _

"_Would that be wrong?" he asked, his eye brow cocked in a very seductive way. _

"_Meredith," she answered, holding out her hand._

_Before he even had a chance to respond, slam. Punch. Out…by none other than Derek Shepherd. That guy always had a way of keeping Meredith all to himself, even if that meant punching people out on the surgical floor. _

"It's Tuesday and I freakin hate Tuesday!" she yelled, jerking him right out of his thoughts.

"Oh right tedious Tuesdays. I actually like it, gives me a chance to catch up with certain hot residents." He smiled mischievously, taking Meredith's perfect figure in.

"You get that I just don't like you right?" she tried her hardest to stay mad but it was impossible when he let out his secret weapon…that damn smile.

"Oh come on, you know you don't mean that! You are _so_ into me it's sad."

"NO!" she argued.

"Are to."

"Are not!"

"Are to!"

"She's what?" Derek Shepherd asked coming up behind Mark, startling the both of them.

"Oh," Mark looked down, he suddenly felt guilty of a crime he didn't even commit. "Nothing."

Meredith turned her head away, refusing to look at _him_. What gave him the right to just waltz right up to her?! She didn't want to look at him again…ever.

"Right," Derek nodded, not buying Mark's answer at all. "Can I speak with you Mark?"

"Uh sure man…" he turned towards Meredith, whose eyes were glued to the chart in her hands. "I'll be right there," he said to Derek who just shook his head and walked towards the corner of the room. Turning towards Meredith he whispered, "Hey…" he stroked her cheek and forced her to look into his eyes. "Don't worry about him."

"Its fine, whatever Mark." Shaking her head, she quickly pushed his hands away. "Do what you have to do."

"No he can wait, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" she yelled, surprised at how loud her voice was. "Just stop it! Stop acting so, so…"

"What? _What_ Meredith?! Stop acting like what?!" he was just as frustrated as her, and raised his voice to match hers.

"STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME!"

Almost immediately all the nurses, surgeons, and lab technicians within a miles radius turned their heads.

Mark didn't know what to say. She caught him off guard, but now he wanted her more than anything and it scared him to death. He tried to swallow the lump that began forming inside his throat. "I'm not," he lied.

"Then why are you acting this way Mark? I mean the constant compliments, how you touch me…" she sighed, her voice lower than before.

"Maybe I just like touching you." His voice was low and filled with desire. He moved closer and before she could push him away, he pressed his lips against hers and relished in how perfect they were together. A small gasp escaped her mouth as she realized what was really happening. Mark Sloan was making out with her in the middle of the nurses' station, with a thousand people watching…and the most surprising thing about this was she didn't care. She kissed him back, and did it again and again and again until they were forced to break apart. It was as if the whole room was holding their breaths, curious to see what would happen next. Suddenly, Meredith realized it wasn't the room, it was her.

"Uhmm…" was all she could say. The kiss removed every ounce of energy from her body. Her head was reeling, and she couldn't think straight.

That was the last thing she remembered. She heard fists clash together and bones crack; name calling erupted and people everywhere tried to separate the two tangled bodies from killing each other. As she snapped back into reality she realized who those two beaten bodies were…Derek and Mark.


	4. Chapter 4

His eyes struggled to remain open. An aching pain soared through his body, and he felt a stinging in his ribs. _What happened? _He struggled to sit up until strong hands held him down.

"Don't try to get up, your already hurt."

"Meredith…" he groaned, choking on his saliva. His fingers trailed his shirt which was torn in half. He felt the stitches on his stomach. _22 _he guessed.

"Do you know what happened?" her voice asked, cutting open the remainder of his shirt.

"Uh…no." The pain was so strong, so incredibly hard to avoid. "But can I have some morphine."

She touched his cheek, rubbing her soft fingers along his stubble. "Shhh, it's okay, I know it hurts." She reached for his hand and held it tight. "We're going to get you morphine as soon as possible."

He cracked a small smile. "Thanks…"

She returned the grin. "That kissing of yours got us into this mess."

"Hmmm?"

"You kissed me in front of everyone, including Derek." She tried her best to act pissed, but she was secretly rejoicing. That kiss was amazing, no more than amazing. And the best part was it didn't come from Derek, it came from Mark.

"I'm sorry," he coughed as she applied more stitches, "I couldn't resist."

"It's okay," she replied nonchalantly. "But is it going to happen again?"

He looked up, grinning from ear to ear. "Probably."

* * *

"You have got to be the stupidest person I have every known!" Rose angrily yelled as Derek iced his swollen lip. "What the hell were you two fighting about?!" 

"Uhm…nothing." His neck was stiff and his stomach killed, but Mark was more beat up than him which was definitely a good thing. "Work stuff."

"_Work stuff_?!" she repeated, her hands in the air. "Derek you could have gotten really hurt!"

"Well I'm not, okay?! It's over, done…"

"No, no it's not. What were you fighting about?!" she screamed. She wanted to know, needed to know. Why wouldn't he tell her?

He looked down, his breath hot against his chest. He had to lie to her, or at least change his story. "I just found out that he slept with my ex wife."

She sighed, pausing to collect the thoughts that swam in her head. They weren't fighting about Meredith Grey…_thank God_. "Oh…I'm sorry Derek."

"It's alright." He pulled the ice pack off his lip and struggled to stand. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" she asked concerned. "Here, let me help." She pulled him close to her and allowed him to drape his arm over her shoulder. He winced in pain at the movement, but soon recovered.

"Thanks," he mumbled, appreciating her help.

"Anytime," she smiled.

He let out a small grin then felt something, or someone, watching him. Looking up he met Meredith's eye. In that one moment, he knew exactly what she was thinking. She probably thought he was a coward, a bastard. Who wouldn't? He continued the gaze, never wanting to stop. _She's beautiful_ he thought. Then, almost as soon as it happened, she shook her head and walked away; breaking the look they shared, breaking _him_. But who's to say he didn't deserve it. He broke her, many times. It was only natural that she would soon do the same. Of course, he never thought it would be Mark. But maybe that's the thing about karma; it has a way of sneaking up on you and biting you right in the ass.

* * *

"Okay I need details," Izzie squealed as she dropped her lunch tray next to Meredith's. "You kissed McSteamy!" 

Meredith smiled. "I kissed McSteamy."

"Was it great? Was he a good kisser?" she eagerly asked.

"It was…satisfying," she replied taking a bite of her sandwich. The kiss was hers, no one else's. She didn't want to share the details. Plus she hardly remembered it. The only thing that came to her mind was the rapid beating of her heart and his luscious lips on hers.

"Satisfying?" Izzie repeated not too enthused. 'That's it? That's all you are going to give me!"

Meredith giggled. "Yes, that is it."

"Why?!" she whined, biting angrily into her cupcake. "It's not fair!"

"I just don't want to discuss it."

"Discuss what? Shepherd and Sloan duking it out at the nurses' station, dude…" Alex slid his try next to Izzie's and grinned at Meredith. "Rumor has it they were fighting over _you_."

"Shut up," she hastily replied, taking another bite out of her sandwich.

"Oh you are so digging it, having two guys fight over you. You are totally eating it up."

"NO I am not! I would prefer if they did not fight," she said as though it was obvious. Yet deep down inside she was flattered. Two guys never fought over her, _ever._ And now…the two hottest surgeons on the West Coast were punching each other out for her, Meredith Grey, and what girl wouldn't like that?

"Right…" Alex rolled his eyes and took a bite of his green apple. "Oh and I also heard a strange rumor that you made out with Sloan."

"Who told you?" she asked curiously.

"Uhm the whole hospital saw it!"

"Crap," she moaned. She hated being the center of attention; she wanted privacy, not an entire hospital staff breathing down her throat.

"So who are you going to pick?" Izzie interjected, moving closer towards her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Derek and Mark! Which one are you going to choose?"

Meredith paused. She hadn't thought about it that way. At the end of the day, she _had_ to choose, Derek or Mark. "Uhm…I don't think I'll need to."

"Why?" Izzie questioned, stuffing her mouth full of chocolate cupcake.

"Because…because Derek is with Rose." She grabbed a water bottle, suddenly feeling hot and Closter phobic. Even though Derek was the biggest ass hole on the planet, she still had feelings for him. After all, he saved her life. That didn't just go away. Then again, she really liked Mark. He was there for her when Derek wasn't. He took care of her. Plus, he was a really great kisser.

"So? That doesn't matter," Izzie spat back. "If Rose doesn't get the hint that he's still in love with you then she is clueless."

"You think he still loves me?" This thought made her feel giddy for some strange reason.

"DUH! He's basically drooling all over you!"

Meredith sighed, brushing back some strands of hair. This was a lot more complicated than she thought. The answer was simple really…she should go with Mark. He was everything. Good looking, smart, funny, totally into her…but then there was Derek, who would always be there haunting her every thought, her every decision.

"Maybe I just need to get to know Mark better." It was true, she knew nothing about him. Maybe that's all they needed…some time alone.

"You should ask him out," Alex suggested.

"You think? Would that be weird? I mean aren't guys suppose to do that?"

"Nah, you can do it. Plus, a guy like Mark would find that attractive."

"You should Mer," Izzie agreed.

She nodded, feeling more confident than ever. "Alright, I'll do it."

"But you have to promise to tell me everything!" Izzie desperately cried.

Meredith smiled, "Okay, okay…I will."

"Beaten Mark Sloan, 12 o'clock," Alex warned her.

She turned her head and grinned as the badly bruised McSteamy marched through the lunch room right up to her.

"Well there's my dirty mistress."

"That line never gets old with you does it?" she laughed, tilting her head to the left, secretly trying to turn him on.

"It's my punch line," he shrugged, grabbing her hand. "I wanted to thank you for everything. These stitches are really good, I couldn't have done them better myself. And…well your kissing isn't so bad either." He winked at her, causing her stomach to immediately flip.

"You're not so bad yourself." She took a step closer to him, wrapping her tiny arms around his muscular waist. "Let's try it again though…" He grinned mischievously, leaning his lips towards hers. When they finally touched, she had the same feelings all over again. Kissing Mark was pure magic. Pulling away he tangled his fingers in her hair. "I really like kissing you."

"Likewise," she replied seductively. "How about you take me out to dinner tonight and we can do more of it?"

He nodded, grinning as wide as his face muscles would allow him. "It's a date."

As he walked away from her she felt her heart. It raced against her hand. She loved this feeling, the feeling of being wanted. But when she looked up that feeling immediately went away because there _he_ was, haunting her, staring at her, with that sad longing expression on his face.

And that feeling of being wanted was replaced with guilt.

_God, Derek_

* * *

**A/N: Heyy guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm still not sure about these ships. Meredith is also feeling troubled. I mean it's only natural that she would still have feelings for Derek. HE PULLED HER OUT OF THE WATER! But then there's Mark who acts all flirty and sweet around her so our girl is torn. I think I know where I want this to go but we'll see…**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Those reviews were so great that I **_**had**_** to make another chapter to this! (Plus I'm really sick with nothing to do so why not) There seems to be a fair amount of people who want mermark and a fair amount of people that want merder. I'm not going to tell you which one I am aiming for. It may be both or it may be neither…who knows. (except me ) But I will tell you this: it's going to be a crazy ride. **

"I hate getting dressed up," Meredith whined as she tried on dresses with Izzie.

"Oh, stop it…you look fine. I like the black one the best though." She held up a short black cocktail dress. It was sexy yet had a certain amount of elegance as well.

"I like it too," she agreed, pulling the dress over her head. "I just don't know what to do with my hair."

"Leave it down," Izzie suggested, grabbing a brush. "It compliments your face."

"Alright," she nodded, allowing Izzie to brush through the tangles of her hair. "I hope we have fun."

"You will. He's hot, and he likes you…a lot."

"I know, it's just Derek and I never really went out." She never understood why they stayed in so much. She figured it was because they were both busy. They were content with staying at home and watching a movie, which wasn't a bad thing. In fact, Meredith actually enjoyed that a lot more than traveling to some fancy restaurant with bad waiters.

"Don't worry, everything will work out perfect." After she stopped brushing her locks, she took a step back. "Mer, you look gorgeous."

"You think so?" she asked, running her fingers along her waist. "Is it too short?"

"No way, it's perfect."

Meredith smiled, it was perfect. Now, hopefully, the date would be too. Suddenly the door bell rang.

"Oh crap, he's here!" she panicked, rushing to put on some lipstick. "Iz, go stall him."

"Okay, and make sure to use my mascara, yours is all clumpy."

"Alright, go!" she ordered, applying a shade of blush on her pale cheeks.

As Izzie left, she checked herself in the mirror. Everything was perfect. Her dress was pretty, her hair looked nice, her make up was natural, and her stomach was begging for food. She was excited for their date. Finally things were starting to look up. Walking towards the door, she grasped the knob and quickly opened it, astonished at how good Mark looked. _He cleans up nice _she thought, barely noticing the scars and bruises on his body.

"There you are," he grinned, looking her up and down. "You look beautiful."

She smiled, her cheeks reddening. "So do you."

"Ready to go?" he asked, taking her hand.

"Oh yes." She said goodbye to Izzie, promising to tell her everything that went on with Mark.

As they climbed into his car, he let out a chuckle. "Dr. Stevens is quite the gossip."

"Oh you have no idea," she agreed. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," he stated, pulling off the interstate onto a road she wasn't even familiar with.

"I hate surprises," she said, trying her best to act sad and upset.

"Oh you do now do you?" he smiled. "Well for this I think you might just want to be surprised."

"And why is that?" she challenged.

"Because…" He pulled onto a dirt road where the mountains and trees hugged the car. As he stopped, she was breathless. Ahead of her was a magnificent view of the city, something she had never seen before. "Oh my God…" she gasped, completely mesmerized by the lights and the scenes. The sky was dark, but you could still see thanks to the full moon. It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

"Mark, I don't know what to say…"

"Shhh, don't say anything." He reached towards the back seat of his car and pulled out a picnic basket loaded with different types of food and desserts. A bottle of wine rested neatly on the side. "Wow," she breathed, "I'm impressed."

"I figured you were a girl who would appreciate this." He looked at her, his eyes bright and sincere. "You're not like most girls you know."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"You're genuine, kind and strong, and not to mention beautiful."

At first she thought he was just trying to reel her in, load her with the compliments and soften her up. That's what most guys did, but soon, she realized he was serious. She couldn't believe it; no guy ever treated her like this before. "Wow, Mark, thank you…that's, that's really sweet."

He laughed. "Did I just make a complete fool of myself? I'm not one of those sappy guys you know…"

She returned the giggled. "No, no you didn't." And she was serious.

* * *

He threw his watch off his wrist and slammed his hand against the wall. He was angry, no more than angry, _furious_. Kicking the bottom of the bed he growled in frustration. What gave him the right? What gave Mark Sloan the right to kiss Meredith, _his _Meredith!? He grabbed a beer from the fridge, ripping the bottle cap right off. "Dammit!" he yelled to the air. Thankfully Rose was still at the hospital, unable to see his barbaric behavior. He didn't know why he felt this way. The last time he felt so angry was when Meredith came down those stairs at Finn's, her hair wet and smooth against her skin. One of his T-shirts covered her tiny body. She looked beautiful and…happy. She looked happy…without him. And for his own selfish reasons, it drove him insane. He hated this part of him. He _wanted _Meredith to be happy, he wanted that…but he didn't want her to be happy with anyone else but him. Yet there she was, kissing his ex best friend, happy. He reached for another beer then another and another. The alcohol seemed to numb the pain but it didn't make it go away. His drunken instinct led him to his dresser drawer. He carefully opened the drawer, rummaging through the mess of papers and medical journals. Finally he found the item he was looking for. It was a small velvet box. From the outside, it looked normal, nothing special. But inside was a beautiful diamond ring, specifically made for _her_. He purchased the ring a year ago, thinking he was going to purpose. He never got around to it. Taking the ring out of the box he held it in his hand. It glistened against the dim light of the trailer and felt smooth on his fingertips. Stumbling off the bed, he headed outside, not even bothering to put a coat on. The cold air sent chills down his spine and seemed to cut right through his skin. Nevertheless, he continued to walk. Once he reached the creek, about a half a mile away from his trailer, he sat by the edge and chucked the ring into the unknown. He watched it fly off into the night, the cool wind pushing it further and further away from him. His body was pumping with so much adrenaline he didn't even notice the frost bite forming on his bare toes. Out of nowhere he began to cry, a whimper at first, but soon formed into a full out break down. He felt the warm tears stream down his cheeks as the air froze them onto his face. He quickly wiped them off, fully aware of how drunk he was. "God, oh God, Meredith…" His voice trailed off, overpowered by the rushing water of the creek. He felt defeated, worthless, as if his whole life had been a lie. Why did it have to be this way? Was it really supposed to be this hard? He bent down, dipping his hands into the freezing water. Images of Meredith's dead body flashed into his mind. That day…that horrible day seemed almost surreal. He remembered diving into the water, ignoring the pain of the cold, determined to find her. Once he did, all thoughts of Addison, Mark, and being chief disappeared. His focus was on her, Meredith, the love of his life. He remembered holding her body, fragile and small, breathing into her, hoping some miracle would arise. All hope seemed to be lost, but she beat the odds. In the back of his mind he knew she gave up. He knew that as soon as the little girl pointed towards the ocean, pointing towards his future. If you thought about it, our future is exactly like the ocean. It stretches as far as the eye can see, journeying to distance places, exotic destinations. It's mysterious yet beautiful and even the best people can get lost in it. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't even hear the voices behind him.

"DEREK!" they yelled.

He turned and saw the chief heading towards him, clutching a flashlight in his hands. Next to him was Rose.

"Derek, oh my God, Derek are you okay?!" her voice yelled, running towards the spot he was at. He figured they would call him crazy. He probably was. After all, he was sitting in the forest in the middle of the night with not even a coat to protect his body.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," his voice spoke, horsed and low.

"What the hell are you doing out here?!" the chief exclaimed, pointing the flashlight at his bare feet. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

He shook his head, picturing the ring in his hands, its hard diamond shining. "I'm sorry." This was all he could say, all he wanted to say.

Rose sighed, reaching for his hand. "Come on, your going to get pneumonia."

Pulling himself up from the rocks he followed them back to the trailer, the image of Meredith's dead body still etched in his mind…

…and he knew it would never leave.

**A/N: Okay so I hope this gave you a glimpse of what's going on in Derek's head. I love writing this guy because there's so much more to his character than beats the eye. Please review and tell me your thoughts. **


	6. Chapter 6

"Here we are," Mark said as he drove into Meredith's drive way. "Hope you had fun."

"I did," she smiled. "It was very entertaining."

He grinned, his blue eyes sparkling. "You're a fun girl Meredith."

"You should see me when I'm drunk," she laughed, silently cursing herself for the idiotic comment.

"Oh boy," he agreed. "I would love to see that."

Giggling a bit more, she asked, "Whatever happened to you and Derek? Yesterday you were best friends and now…?"

He tensed at this question and she instantly regretted it. She shouldn't have brought Derek into the conversation. It was their night, not his.

"Uhm I guess we're back to where we started. It began with a punch and ended with one." He winked, enjoying the way her nose scrunched up when she laughed.

"I see. Well hopefully there will be no more punching."

"Hopefully…" he smiled. "How about you? Are you and Derek really done?"

She hesitated, though the answer should be obvious, she was ready to move on. "Yeah," she nodded, "I am."

He smiled, relieved. "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

"Why'd you ask?"

His grin widened. Reaching for the back of her neck, he pulled her head towards his. The single touch made her shiver. He then kissed her, soft at first…

_Then you kissed me, soft, quick, sort of like a habit _Meredith immediately pulled herself away. She had no clue why this line popped into her head. She shouldn't have been thinking about Derek and his stupid romantic tirades! Yet she was…

"Uhm sorry…I need to go." She reached for the door and struggled to open it. "Dammit," she mumbled.

"Woo are you okay?" he asked concerned. "Was it something I did?"

She turned back towards him, shaking her head. "No, no of course not…I just, I'm sorry. I'll call you."

She quickly opened the door and ran inside, her heart racing. "Shit," she whispered when she got inside. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"Oh my gosh was it bad?" Izzie asked, running up to her friend.

Meredith wiped a hand over her face. "No, it was great…I just thought about, nothing…"

"Wait, what? Explain." She crossed her arms, determined to pry an answer out of her.

Meredith looked up, her eyes large and guilty. "I thought about him."

"About who?" Izzie repeated, completely confused.

"Derek. I thought about him while I was kissing Mark, dammit why did I think about him?!" She started to pace the room, not caring about the mud tracks she was making all over the carpet. "GOD THAT BASTARD!"

"Meredith, calm down!" Izzie reached for her friend's hand. "It's not that big of a deal."

"YES IT IS!" she screamed. "I LIKE MARK! I DON'T LIKE DEREK SO WHY THE HELL DID I THINK ABOUT HIM!" She was out of breath, confused and afraid. "Why did I think about him…?" _God I'm having a friggen nervous breakdown!_ She thought bitterly to herself.

"Mer, listen to me…" Izzie grabbed Meredith's shoulders, "You're supposed to think about him, he was your boyfriend since forever!"

"But I shouldn't Izzie! He's an ass hole! I shouldn't!" She hated how she was acting, like a child who couldn't decide what candy she wanted. This was real life; she had to pull herself together.

Izzie sighed. "This is why I said you need to choose. You can't keep doing this, it's bad for you."

"I don't know what to do," she admitted, plopping herself down on the couch. "I don't know…"

"That's only natural," Izzie said, sitting next to her friend. "Anybody in your position would feel the same way."

"I want to move on," Meredith stated, staring straight ahead. "I don't want to be that girl. The girl that sits at home waiting for prince charming to show up and sweep her off her feet. I don't want to be the girl who ends up jumping over the bridge while the guy gets everything he wants."

"You're not that girl," Izzie replied, comforting her. "You are far from that girl."

"Then why do I feel this way?" She looked up at Izzie, her eyes glistening. "Should I feel broken?"

"Yeah," Izzie nodded, stroking her friend's hair. "You should feel like crap."

Meredith let out a soft giggle, enjoying the company. She needed someone to talk to about this. Thankfully Izzie was always there, listening (and gossiping) with her. She would talk about this with Cristina, but she was never much of a gossiper. Not to mention she hated romantic crap. "Thanks, I needed that."

"Anytime," Izzie smiled. "But I do think you should talk to Derek. You obviously like Mark, but if you don't confront Derek about this…you'll never be able to get over him."

"But that's the thing," Meredith explained. "I can't talk to him, to Derek. I mean I want to, but I can't. If I do the situation is just going to get way more complicated than it already is."

"I don't think you have another choice," Izzie said, a sympathetic look overshadowing her face.

"Who would you choose?" Meredith asked, hoping Izzie would answer her questions.

"I can't decide that for you," Izzie said like the mother hen she was. "You have to make that decision on your own."

Meredith sighed in frustration. Maybe the problem was it's hard to forget someone you know you are always going to remember.

* * *

"Ow, ouch!" Derek cried as Rose tended to his frost bitten feet.

"Well I'm sorry! You shouldn't have run out in the middle of the night with no shoes on!" she exclaimed.

"Just try to be more careful," he said, rolling his eyes. Lately everything had been a blur. He hardly remembered anything from the previous night. The only thing he had were the scars on his feet, and the headache from the beer.

"Whatever," Rose mumbled; fully aware of what Derek's late night, drunken roam in the wild was about…who else, Meredith Grey.

Derek sighed. He hated fighting, but Rose had been acting all moody and pushy lately. "What's wrong?" he asked, hoping she would stop this.

"Me? Wrong? Oh nothing, actually hmmm, there _must_ be something." Her voice was full of sarcasm as she placed her index finger on her chin. "OH! I remember, I'm just pissed off that your momentary freak out was about MEREDITH GREY!"

"It wasn't!" he defended himself, angrier than ever.

"God, just admit it already! Cut the bullshit, I can handle it!"

"I don't even remember what happened last night! I was drunk!"

"This wasn't the only time, Derek." Her voice was loud and firm. Taking a deep breath she continued, "I saw the ring in your drawer. You went to the hospital early one day. I was looking for my wallet and I saw it…"

"So you went through my stuff!?" He walked immediately towards the drawer, searching for the ring. "Where is it? Where did you put it?!" he yelled when the diamond was nowhere to be found.

"I didn't touch it!" Her voice broke and the tears started to stream down her porcelain face.

He sighed, his back facing her. "What are we doing?" he asked a few moments later.

She wiped away some tears, her voice broken and unsteady. "No," she declared shaking her head, "What am _I _doing? Why did I even think I could start something with you? You are clearly still in love with her!"

"That's not the point," he began until she cut him off, the tears in her eyes beginning to start again.

"That _is_ the point Derek! You are completely avoiding your feelings towards her, towards me!" She paused, allowing the tears to drip down her face. "But," she sighed, "So am I."

He placed his hand on the wall, dropping his head. "We can make it work," he tried, avoiding turning around to look at her. He knew if he did he would feel guilty, too guilty.

"See?" She walked up to him, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "This is our problem. We're avoiding the issue."

"And what is that?" he asked forcefully.

She began to speak but no words came out. "It's…you are not in love with me, nor will you ever be…"

"That's not true, how can you just _assume_ that I would never love you?" But behind his words, he knew she was right. He could never love her. He could like her, he could be attracted towards her, but he could never, _ever_, love her.

"Derek…" Her voice trailed off, overwhelmed with feelings she never even thought existed until now. Her world was crashing down, and even worse, she was allowing it to crash…crash and burn into the unknown. "We're only kidding ourselves."

He nodded, understanding her for the first time. "Then…what do you want to do?"

She hesitated, reaching towards the back of her neck. Slowly unclipping her necklace, she dropped it into his hands. "You lost the ring? Use mine." Then, she left, leaving him with her engagement ring, wishing and hoping that one day he would come back.

* * *

Talking. She had to talk. "Just go up there and talk to him," she mumbled to herself as she watched Derek fill out a chart. _Come on Meredith, just do it._ Mustering all her confidence, she began to stride up to him, determined to settle this once and for all. Suddenly, she knocked into someone.

"Sorry," she apologized, helping the stranger up.

"That's alright…" Though, it was no stranger, it was Rose.

"Oh," Meredith said surprised, "Sorry."

"Meredith," Rose repeated just as shocked. "Hi."

"Hi, I'm sorry about that I was just…walking."

Rose began to smile. "That's fine."

"Okay well, bye." Meredith quickly started off towards the opposite direction, away from Derek as well as his girlfriend.

"Wait!" she called out, causing Meredith to turn. "Uhm, do you…still love him?"

"…what?"

"Derek," she repeated, "Do you still love him?"

Meredith didn't know what to say, what was there to say? Did she still love him?

"I, I don't know."

Rose slowly nodded revealing a sad smile. "Okay, that's all I wanted to know."

"Wait," Meredith said as Rose began to walk off. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because…" she looked down, her cheeks a shade darker, "He still loves you."

* * *

"Did you talk to him yet?" Izzie asked frantically as Meredith made her way down the hall.

"No, and I don't plan on it."

"Meredith!" she warned, "You have to!"

"There's no point Iz!" she argued, still replaying Rose's words in her head.

Izzie growled, hating Meredith for that split second. Why wouldn't she take her advice? "Come on, are you really going to keep this love triangle up forever?!"

"No."

"Then you have _got_ to talk to him! If you don't then I will." She began to walk towards the nurses' station where Derek was studying for his next surgery.

"NO! Izzie, don't!" Meredith yelled catching up with her friend. "Please, don't."

"Then you do," she challenged, her hands resting firmly on her hips. "Now."

Meredith paused, she knew this was going to be a bad idea, but she had to get it over with. "Fine," she mumbled her words incoherent. Her heart began to beat faster as she got closer and closer to him. "Hi," she breathed when she reached him.

He looked up, surprised to see her. "Oh uhm hi."

"Uh I need to talk to you." She motioned him to the corner of the room. Once they arrived she took a deep breath and began, "Derek I can't keep doing this with you. This back and fourth, off and on, will they or won't they crap is getting on my nerves, and I'm sure it's the same with you. So I think we should just put the past behind us and move on. We can still talk, we can still be friends but I think we should be done…for good. And while we're done I think we should also let go of our feelings for one another you know? We should leave everything behind and just move on…" She knew she was rambling; it was obvious she was but she couldn't stop. She probably would've continued forever if he hadn't kissed her. That kiss, that one single kiss changed everything because when they finally broke away she saw the one person who had been there for her…Mark. "Oh God." He had a look of pure shock on his face and you could tell from a mile away how disappointed he was. Shaking his head, he walked away from her, from them. She didn't know what to do, what to say. But she found her feet walking, no running, after him. When she finally caught up with him they were outside.

"Wait, what are you doing, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she cried, her eyes filled with tears. She rushed towards him, pulling his shoulder back.

He turned frantically around, his face a little more wrinkled, a little more pained. "What?!"

"Why are you acting this way?" her voice quivered as she spoke. The tears continued to pour down, refusing to stop.

"Just stop it," he responded, "Just stop this! All I wanted you to do was be honest with me!"

"I was!" she panicked, holding tightly to his arm. He was going to leave her, just like everyone else in her life.

"No you weren't Meredith because _that_, upstairs, was not you being over him!" He continued to walk away from her, his feet moving at a rapid pace.

"Mark!" she screamed. "Mark!" But it was no use, he was gone. She knelt down, crying hysterically, watching him drift into the distance, refusing to look back.

* * *

**A/N: Wow so a lot of stuff went down in this chapter. Derek and Rose broke up, Derek and Meredith kissed, Mark saw and ran off to God knows where, and Meredith is **_**still **_**confused. My favorite part though would have to be when Rose gave Derek her engagement ring necklace. I don't know if you guys remember but in one of the chapters it said her necklace held all her secrets, the secrets she couldn't tell anyone. I think this is pretty symbolic considering how merder can't really tell each other things. It will also play a pretty big role in the upcoming chapters. Anyways, I really like this chapter and was literally laughing out loud at some of your reviews! You guys **_**really**_** hate Derek! Haha, it's funny. But Meredith is not done with him yet, nor is she done with Mark. You probably won't know the ships until much later if at all so just bare with me and enjoy the ride. **

**PS: Yes, Mark did "run away"…can you guess where? Hmmmm**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys, here's another chapter for you. There are some cliffies in here so watch out for them. And well…gahh, you'll see **

Mark stared out the frosted window. It was dark, cold…like any normal December day would be. But it just didn't seem right, nothing made sense. He sighed, looking back at the woman in his bed. After he saw Meredith and Derek, his first reaction was to get even. Like any other guy, he got drunk and slept with a hot vulnerable girl.

"Hi," she whispered, opening her eyes. Pulling herself up on her elbows she asked, "How long have I been out."

"Not long," he smiled, dragging himself away from the window. She was beautiful. Long blond hair floated against her porcelain skin, and her eyes were so blue he couldn't see straight. She was no more than 23 years old, fresh out of college.

"Sorry about last night," she spat, her cheeks reddening. "I don't usually do that."

"Hey, if anyone is to blame it's me." He grabbed his shirt from the floor and quickly put it on. "It's okay though, we can just forget about it."

"Oh, right…" She hesitantly picked up her skirt. Chewing on her bottom lip she asked, "What's your name?"

"Mark," he smiled, extending his hand. "And yours?"

"Tessa," she responded, shaking hard and firm. "Nice to uhm…meet you."

"Likewise," he responded. "So do you need a ride to work or anything?"

She shook her head, quickly putting on her clothes. "No, I bartend right across the way."

"Joes?" he asked, wondering if that's how they met.

"Yep, that's the place…you know that, you were there last night."

"Right," he stammered, trying to collect his thoughts from the previous night. So much had happened that truthfully, everything seemed to be blurred.

"Where do you work?"

"Seattle Grace…hospital across the way," he announced proudly, playing the doctor card far too well.

"Wow!" she exclaimed, "You are a doctor?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Why, I don't look smart enough?"

"No," she quickly said. "You just look more like a model than a doctor."

"I get that a lot," he grinned, slipping into his shoes.

She smiled back, looking down at her feet. "So uhm," she went on, attempting to start a conversation, "I'm guessing you live in this hotel?"

"Yep, until I get another place."

"Well it's not necessarily a bad place to live, it's very nice," she breathed looking around the huge suite.

"Eh," he shrugged, "It's alright."

"Is this your brother?" she asked, picking up a picture on his nightstand.

"Oh, no…" he said, "That's uhm Derek. We're not brothers." _Or friends. _

"Oh," she looked back. "So he's like a friend?"

"Sort of, not really…did you bring a coat here?" He had to get off this subject, he hated talking about Derek, especially now.

"Nope." She put on her Uggs then wrote a few digits on a slip of paper. Handing it to Mark she said, "Just incase you get lonely again."

"I look lonely?" he inquired, taking the paper.

"Yeah," she nodded before slipping out the door, giving him one last smile.

"I look lonely," he repeated, staring back at the picture on his nightstand.

* * *

It was 6 AM. Rose didn't have to arrive till 7. It was one of the many advantages to being a scrub nurse, no early workdays. But there she was, awake since 5, wandering around her empty apartment. She reached for the necklace around her neck but it wasn't there. She closed her eyes, trying to steady the tears that were slowly forming. She almost hated herself for giving that to him. It was _her_ ring! He was_ her_ boyfriend! Yet she gave it all up. That beautiful diamond ring which had so many tragedies, so many lies, so many losses, gone. It hurt so much knowing that it was going to be placed on someone else's left hand, that it would symbolize eternity, trust, _love_. 

"It's not fair," she whispered, clutching her coffee mug. Suddenly, her phone began to ring. She quickly picked it up, needing to know if it was him, hoping, praying that it was him…

"Hello?" Her stomach was full of butterflies and her voice was on the verge of breaking into a million unwanted pieces.

"Rose?" the voice asked.

She dropped her mug, let go of the phone, and watched as it snapped in half. The cup shattered across the floor, its sharp glass piercing the skin on her bare feet. The phone lay broken on the floor, its battery dead from the impact.

"Oh my God," she breathed, the tears already coming down.

_Oh my God._

* * *

Meredith looked down in awe, amazed at the surgery that was being performed by her best friend. Leaning against the wall, she smiled. 

"She's incredible," she heard one voice behind her say. "Like, the best heart surgeon ever."

"That's my girl," Meredith whispered to herself.

"Hey aren't you Meredith Grey?" another voice asked, tapping her on the shoulder.

She turned around, nodding at the fresh pack of interns.

"Oh my God!" the girl squealed. "You made out with Mark Sloan right?!"

The smile on her face immediately vanished. She hated being known as the girl who kissed the hottest surgeon ever. She wanted to be known as a doctor, a respected, talented surgeon. "Uhm yeah…" she mumbled, turning back towards the surgery.

"You're like a legend among us girls," the intern went on. "Was it, like, super amazing?"

She shook her head, wanting so much to punch her out. "Shouldn't you be taking notes on the surgery or something?"

"Oh I am," she replied, her voice way too cheery.

"Good cause knowing the residents this year, you all will have to be on top of your game. The chief just told me yesterday that whoever doesn't know an answer to a question will be let go." _It's a good lie_ she thought to herself.

"Oh my goodness! No way!" they all exclaimed at once. "They can't do that!"

"I'm just saying," Meredith continued, "You better pay more attention to surgeries than who's making out with whom."

Almost instantly, everyone shut their mouths and focused in on Cristina doing what she does best.

"Thanks for the warning," one intern said thankfully to her.

"Oh, no problem," she smiled to herself. But behind her smile, she was hurting. She had no clue where Mark had gone last night. Derek hadn't bothered her at all since the kiss, which was a great thing. But neither one of them could find Mark. So many questions swarmed in her head. He could have left the state. He could have gone back to New York. Hell, he could have left the country for all she knew. But, despite the many reasons why he should leave, there was still hope. She clung to it. There was still a chance that he didn't leave at all, he was still here.

"Dr. Grey we need you right away," a tall skinny nurse said urgently, interrupting her thoughts.

"What is it?" Meredith asked, removing herself from the pack of concentrating interns.

"There's been an accident," the nurse whispered.

"What kind of accident?" Meredith asked.

"Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Sloan, they're in the lobby," the nurse went on, her voice shaking.

"Okay? So?"

"They're in the lobby…under hostage."


	8. Chapter 8

"What are you talking about?" Meredith frantically asked, her head scrambling with so many scenarios that she didn't want to picture.

"There's been a hostage situation," the nurse responded, "We don't know why…all we know is that Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Sloan have both been taken."

"Taken? Taken where?!"

The nurse hesitated, looking behind her.

"TAKEN WHERE?!" she yelled. Her voice was hard, determined, and scared as hell.

"We, we don't know. Last time we checked they were in the lobby but they could be anywhere now," the nurse whispered, making sure no one else heard.

Meredith shook her head, not fully believing the words she was hearing. "Wait here," she instructed the tall nurse as she breezed past her. Surprisingly, her heart wasn't beating as fast as she thought it would. Her head wasn't reeling as much as it had when she kissed Mark, and her world wasn't totally broken. "They're still alive," she murmured to herself, taking great care in avoiding anyone she knew. Sneaking down the stairs she took a deep breath. As she made her way down to the lobby her hands began to shake. But once she reached her destination everything seemed normal. Except for one big difference…no one was in the lobby. There was no crying babies, no panicking mothers, no kids with broken limbs…no one.

"Oh God," she breathed, her breath puffing into the chilly air. "Hello?" she asked, her voice high, but not shaky. "Anyone here?"

She felt a hand grab her shoulder and she immediately started to scream. A hand flew to her mouth and prevented her from making any noise.

"Shhhh, stop, it's just me."

She relaxed, her tense shoulders feeling more at ease. "Alex…God why did you scare me like that?!"

"What the hell are you doing down here?" His voice was low, and his eyes were cold, fierce.

"I was…Derek and Mark are down here, they could be hurt!" She jerked away from his grip and began walking until he grabbed her arm right back.

"So what, you decided to come down here and fight the bad guys off? Are you crazy?!" he exclaimed.

"Well what are _you _doing down here then?"

"Looking for you idiot, now we got to get upstairs…" He held onto her arm and began to drag her up the stairs.

"Wait, Alex, wait…where is everyone?"

He turned around. "No one knows."

"Are you kidding me?!"

"Look Meredith we'll figure this out when we get upstairs now come on." They began to hurry up the stairs until voices traveled to their ears, causing them both to horridly face the opposite direction.

"Oh my God…what was that?" she asked, ducking down with her friend.

"I don't-"

His voice was cut off by Derek and Mark being pushed across the lobby, their hands tied together and a piece of tape strapped onto their mouths.

"Now you stay quiet!" One man instructed them, pointing a gun at their heads.

Meredith felt her whole body go limp. She felt the urge to get up and scream but her body was inept of doing anything. She was glued in her spot, watching in horror. Alex grabbed her hand and tugged it, signaling to sneak up the stairs. All she did was shake her head. Suddenly her body regained its composure and without thinking she stood up, pushing Alex away and screamed, "STOP IT! DON'T HURT THEM!"

All heads turned towards her. "Excuse _you_?" the man said, loading his gun before pointing it directly at her.

Alex quickly stepped in front of her. "Quit it man, just let them go. What do you want?"

"Why don't you let your little girlfriend come down here and explain to me why I should let these fellows go…?" He smiled revealing rotting teeth. He was about 55 years old with dark raven hair. His eyes were a deep gray, and a black jacket draped over his scrawny body.

Mark and Derek began to squirm, trying desperately to stop this man from doing anything to the woman they both loved.

"I'll tell you what pretty lady," the man continued, slowly walking up to her. "How about I let you choose the one you want to let go. I only need one man to do the job I want. So I'll be nice and let you take your pick."

Alex continued to close in as the man drew closer and closer.

"Alex its okay," Meredith whispered, her face etched in fear. "I can handle this."

"Stop it Meredith," Alex warned, getting ready to deck the guy out as he came inches away from his face.

"Come on Dr…" the man squinted at Alex's nametag and smiled. "Karev…wow, you look so much like your dad too."

Meredith felt Alex freeze against her body.

"Oh yeah I know all about your father…we do business with him. Crazy fellow, but of course, you would know."

"What…what the hell are you talking about," Alex choked out, his hands trembling.

The man grinned, placing two fingers in his mouth. As he whistled, five guys hurried out from closed doors and chairs. But one man looked too familiar. Especially to Alex.

"Recognize anyone Dr. Karev?" the man smirked, his gun traveling around the men.

"Oh my God…dad?"

"That's right," the man nodded. "That's your father, but he wouldn't recognize you. He doesn't recognize anyone really. All he does is drink and kill."

He was at a loss for words. His father, his _dad_, was apart of this? Feeling so useless, so defeated, he collapsed.

"Alex!" Meredith cried bending down to care to her unconscious friend. "Oh my God, oh my God," she repeated. "Wake up!"

"He fainted my darling…nothing I did," the man chuckled. "Now how about that deal I made…?"

"Wha- what?" She looked up, her voice barely above a whisper, the tears already coming down.

"I said you could choose one of these guys to set free…_or_, I could just kill both of them now." He resumed the position of the gun and asked, "So, what's it gonna be?"

She looked back at the two men she loved, the two men who understood her. How did it come to this? She slowly shook her head, unable to comprehend everything that was happening so very fast. _We're all going to die _she thought, the tears running faster and faster down her cheeks. "No," she stumbled, "Please, no…don't kill them, please."

That was the last thing she remembered. After, she heard gunshots and screams…the magnitude of her decision coming to a heed.

…_and they were all_ _changed forever_.

**A/N: Don't worry; you are supposed to be confused! In fact, I'm confused! But something DID happen that I didn't write, which you will find out in the next chapter. Ahh don't you just love hostage situations? **

**Review please (cause these reviews are like so unbelievably flattering!!!)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Please refrain from throwing tomatoes…PLEASE?! PLEASE?!?!**

**But you can throw as many reviews as you want **

It was late, about 11 at night. The whole room was silent, _dead_ silent. She opened her eyes, not really sure what was happening. Searching around her, her eyes rested on a heart monitor. "Hospital…" she croaked out, her voice barely audible. She was in the hospital, secured to an uncomfortable bed, surrounded by flowers and candies and tiny beanie babies which she would definitely throw out later…but why? Reaching over her shoulder she pressed down on the nurse's assistance button and waited patiently until, who else, Rose came in.

"Dr. Grey," she nodded, reaching for her chart. "You probably have no idea what happened."

She shook her head, still unable to communicate.

"That's to be expected," Rose said flipping through the thin papers filled with so much information. "Would you like me to explain to you what happened? Or would you rather have Derek?"

"Derek?" she asked regaining her voice. "Wait, what…the shooting?"

"Yeah there was a shooting." Rose nodded, pulling up a chair next to Meredith.

"Well what happened?"

"Are you sure you want me to tell you?" she asked carefully, taking a deep breath.

"Why?" Meredith asked. What was the big secret? "What's going on?" Concern and fear clouded her thoughts, invaded her mind.

"Dr. Grey," Rose said firmly, "Derek and Mark are fine, perfect actually. They aren't hurt."

"Thank God," Meredith breathed, feeling a great weight being lifted from her shoulders. "But…but the gun shots?"

As Rose was about to speak, a familiar voice spoke instead. "There were only two."

Meredith looked up seeing the face of Derek. His hair was messy and his shirt had a stain, but he still looked gorgeous. He smiled at her, his eyes sad and dark. "There were only two," he repeated, the grin on his face vanishing.

"Well…what do you mean?" she asked confused.

He nodded at Rose who quietly exited the room. "Meredith," he spoke, sitting in the chair next to her bed. "One of the gunmen was Alex's father, you remember that right?"

She nodded, wanting to know desperately where Alex was. "Yeah, where is he?"

Derek hesitated. Staring down at his feet he cleared his throat. "Mer…he died this morning from a GSW to the chest."

Meredith looked up, her eyes glazed over. "What?" she asked. _This is just a dream_ she thought to herself…_just a dream_. "He can't be dead. He was right beside me. He fainted when he found out his dad was there! He was okay!"

"I know, I know," Derek whispered taking her hand. "But then they took you."

"What are you talking about? They didn't take me! None of this happened!" Her heart was pounding and the whole room seemed to be spinning out of control.

"Yes they did. They took you, and then Alex woke up…"

"What? What happened?!" she asked forcefully. Her life was broken, falling apart piece by piece.

"He went after them," he sighed, trailing his fingers along the edge of her bed. "He helped Mark and I escape then went after you. But…"

Suddenly, everything became clear. "His dad shot him," she said. She began to remember every detail...the screaming of Alex's voice, telling her to run, he would take care of this. She remembered the chair he threw at the men, freeing her from their captive arms. She remembered the shot, fired from his dad's gun. She remembered his face, how she cried his name, watching him fall to the ground. She remembered Mark's strong arms lifting her up, preventing her from running back towards him. She remembered the other shot, piercing her in the leg. She remembered how the pain didn't matter because her friend was dead. She remembered the police, their car wheels screeching the road in that very moment. She remembered the men, running in all directions, tossing Alex's body carelessly to the side. She remembered Derek joining them, making sure she was okay. She remembered the cold tears, the distant memories, the blood…_everything_. "He died for me," she coughed, her breath already starting to hyperventilate.

"Shhh, I know…its okay," Derek comforted her. "If it wasn't for you, we'd be dead."

"If it wasn't for _him_, we'd all be dead," she cried, burying her face into Derek's chest. "Oh my God…" Her body began to shake violently and she felt her heart sink. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

"I know Meredith I know."

She continued to cry, everything seeming so far away, drifting further and further away from her.

It was a sunny day, the streets were packed, and everyone seemed to be busy doing one thing or another. She grasped her coffee, taking thoughtful sips. Staring out the hospital window she sighed. Yesterday seemed so surreal, so amazingly painful. It wasn't fair; none of this was his fault. If she didn't go down there in the first place, he would still be alive. She hated herself for this. Tucking some strands of hair behind her ears she rested her head on her pillow and breathed in the familiar scent of dried blood and fresh scalpels.

"How's my favorite dirty mistress doing?" Mark smiled stepping into her room.

"Stop Mark," she shook her head, "Just stop…"

He took a deep breath, nodding. "I know, it's hard."

"How do you know?" she asked defensively, turning towards him. "You didn't even know Alex! All you did was boss him around, asking him to fetch you friggen cappuccinos!"

He stopped, knowing how right she was, how pained she was. "Meredith…"

"NO!" she cut him off. "Don't speak my name, just don't!"

"Well then what do you want me to do?!" he yelled, raising his voice.

"JUST STOP THIS! STOP ALL OF THIS!" she screamed back, the tears beginning to creep up again. "You don't love me…you've never did," she whispered.

"That's not true!" he defended himself, grabbing her hand. "I _do_ love you."

"No you don't," she shook her head, removing her hand from his, the tears streaming down. "We can't do this."

"Yes we can, Meredith, we can…I love you, why don't you believe that?" He stroked her cheek, reminding her of that first day when they kissed. Everything was so simple, nothing was this hard.

"Mark, we can't." Her voice was low…scared. "We're just pretending. We're both hurting; I know...this is just an escape."

"No, Meredith no it's not. Not to me!" he pleaded, his eyes sparkling.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, the tears continuing to pour down.

He swallowed hard, his throat becoming dry and bitter. "So we're breaking up?" he asked defeated. His voice was on the verge of breaking and his face was pale, lonely…

She nodded, wiping away at the remaining droplets. "It's too hard."

"Fine," he answered after a moment. "…if that's what you want…then okay." He gave her one last smile before disappearing out of the room.

_Her life was broken, falling apart piece by piece. _

**A/N: Okay you probably all hate me. But hear me out for a second…I didn't want to kill Alex. It KILLED me to kill Alex. But someone HAD to die, and it couldn't be Derek or Mark because I have plans for them and UGH! I'm sorry!!!! (ALEX I LOVE YOU!!) **

**And the mermark breakup…it has to be done to prepare them for what I am going to do. You see, I know exactly how I am going to end this story and the breakup was necessary because what I am going to do to them is like insanely huge. And the merder moment in the beginning had to be done because that's huge and omg I'm giving too much away so review (as always) and I promise you won't be disappointed. **

**PS: I know I have been really really good with updates but dont take them for granted cause i have no clue how long they will last **


	10. Chapter 10

It was 3 o'clock in the morning. The roads were slick with wet slippery ice and the chilly air swirled past his head. He brought a burnt cigarette up to his lips and puffed thoughtfully as his mind swirled with emotions and thoughts. Everything changed. Her painful words resurrected in his head and caused his stomach to twist. _We're just pretending…you don't love me. _He hated this. How the hell did he let her slip right through his finger tips? He _did_ love her. He never knew he could, but he did. He brushed the cigarette against the bench, outside the dark hospital, and tapped it. The ashes fell slowly to the ground, twirling in the wind. He was a doctor, and the fact that he was smoking was ridiculous. But he needed an escape, something to keep his mind of _her_, off _them_. The cloud of smoke surrounded his head, lingered above him, mocking him. "What are you doing Mark?" he mumbled to himself, throwing the cigarette on the ground, his foot crushing it. Patches of ice caked the sidewalk and he hoped that these dark December months would soon fade. He looked up at the hospital, knowing she was right inside, recovering from gunshot wounds. The images of that day raged in his mind, refusing to disappear. He remembered her scared bewildered look when she saw her friend fall to the ground. In that moment, his only concern was saving her, getting her away from the hell that was erupting around them. But it wouldn't matter. She lost her friend, and there is nothing worse than losing your friend. He learned that sullen lesson with Derek. And yet, even though he tried, he really could not save her. If he could, she wouldn't be recovering from gunshot wounds right now. Derek saved her. He pulled her out of the freezing water and _saved_ her. Did he really think he could compete with _that_?! Sighing heavily, he leaned against the bench. He could have been in his cozy hotel room right across the way. Yet he was sitting in the freezing cold hoping desperately that this nightmare would end.

"You okay?" a voice called out to him.

He looked up, his vision blurred, probably from the creeping tears that were beginning to form. When the figure drew closer, he realized who it was…Tessa.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, completely taken aback at her presence. After all, it _was_ 3 in the morning.

"My shift just ended at Joes," she replied, pointing at the bar. "May I join you?"

"Be my guest," he murmured, making room for her.

"Thanks," she smiled, taking a seat. "So…" she began, trying anything to spark a conversation, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I just got dumped to be quite frank," he sighed, images of Meredith flashing in his mind.

"Oh…" her voice trailed off. "You, you had a girlfriend when we…?"

"Sort of, not really…kind of," he stammered. "We were…it's complicated."

"I bet," she nodded, her eyes penetrating towards him. "Well I'm sorry. That must've sucked."

"Oh yeah," he shook his head, replaying the scene over and over in his already clattered mind.

"Uhm, well if you need any…cheering up…you know where to find me," she hesitantly said, a smile forming on her perfect lips.

Mark grinned, looking at her for the first time. She was wearing a black halter top with skinny dark blue jeans. Her hair was lightly curled, and she had just the right amount of make up. A long rain coat covered her nearly bare body and there was something about her that reminded him so much of Meredith. "You're a sweet girl."

She blushed, brushing her hair away from her pale face. "I'm a lonely young bartender who can't even make enough money to buy my own place so I'm living with my cousin…my life is so screwed up with all this shit that I don't even know how to start over," she confessed. "So really I'm not a sweet girl. I'm a pissed off college drop out who is completely stupid and naïve," she finished, mocking herself.

"Hey, you're not stupid," he spoke up, "_I'm_ the stupid one. I can't even keep a girl no matter how hard I try. I have these weird insecurities and quite frankly I can't compete with these romantic sentimental bastards…" he choked out. "I can't save her," he whispered, mostly to himself.

"Save who?" she asked, moving closer.

"Uhm…this girl who I'm crazy about…I can't compete."

"_You_ can't compete!?" she inquired astonished. "You're like the hottest guy I've _ever _met!" she exclaimed, feeding his already huge ego.

"You think?" he laughed, enjoying the company.

"Definitely," she responded, returning the giggle. "…and you're sweet, not like most guys I know." She let out a small noise which resembled the sound of a half laugh, half snort.

"Well who are the guys you know?" he asked, naturally curious.

"The jerks," she answered quickly. "They are all selfish jerks who can't care less about anyone but themselves," she said bitterly.

"Well the guys you know must be the real idiots because I think you're kind of amazing," he replied flirty.

"Kind of?" she joked, her cheeks turning redder and redder.

"No…really amazing." He gave a sincere smile and finally recognized why she reminded him of Meredith…

She had those amazing eyes which pulled you in, and never let you go.

* * *

It was late, too late. He shouldn't be up, he should be sleeping. He had a surgery in the morning and he could not be tired for it. Yet, he couldn't sleep. Sleeping was not an option. He reached into his night stand, searching frantically through the mass of papers when he realized he threw the ring away. That beautiful engagement ring meant for _her_…he threw away. Instead, his hand hit another ring strung onto a long necklace chain. He slowly picked it up, running the chain through his hands, the ring dazzling in the light. But, no matter how hard he tried, it didn't feel right. It felt barren, empty…almost nothing. This was a completely different feeling than when he held Meredith's ring. When he held _that_ ring, he felt a surge of adrenaline, excitement. It had this power to make him love her even more, and every time he touched its hard diamond, a small chill would run up his spine. He desired her, wanted her, all of her. Being separated from the love of his life shattered his heart. At the moment, he thought it would be okay. He didn't need her; he would be fine with Rose. But he was so wrong. He couldn't stand not seeing her smile, hearing her snores, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair, the little things. He hated watching her with Mark. It made him sick with disgust, of jealously. What gave him the rite?! But in a small hidden corner of his brain he knew it was justified. After all, _he_ broke up with _her_. _He_ left _her_. And even though he desired to so very badly, he knew he could never take that back. But nevertheless the mere thought of any man's lips caressing her skin, of any man's eyes resting on her face, of any man's hand touching her in _any_ way caused the bile to rise in his throat. How could he have let her go? She still loved him, he knew that. It was obvious. The way she tensed up whenever he walked into the same room, the way she looked at him…all too familiar. Yet, she was slipping away. She still loved him, but not as much. She was getting along fine without him…but he was a wreck. _How ironic_. Then he was taken hostage and she came down to save him. It may have been for Mark. Perhaps it wasn't for him at all. Perhaps she fell out of love with him. But that look of panic, of desperation when she saw him, gun pressed against head, gave it all away. It killed him to think that saving him could cause her to lose her own life. He could never bear it. He loved her way too much…

…but things change. Ever since Rose came into the picture, things were different, strange, and foreign. He liked Rose, of course. But she didn't make him feel any different. She made him feel normal. But with Meredith, he felt nothing normal. It was basically an Addison repeat. Couldn't he have learned his lesson the first time? Was it really that hard to grasp the fact that he could not live without _her_? Why did he have to be so selfish and make everything about his needs and his wants? "Dammit!" he yelled, the curse directed towards himself. He hated this feeling of taking the blame for everything wrong in his life. It was so much easier to blame other people, Mark, Rose, anyone, for his troubles. But when you actually have to accept the fact that _you_ screwed up and _you _are the one who broke _your own_ heart…the feeling is almost unbearable. He had to make things right. He couldn't go on like this. He had to see her. But should he? Would it make sense? Would she mind? Pushing all his questions aside, he quickly wrapped his coat around him and jumped in his car, slipping the necklace into his pocket.

* * *

It was 3 in the morning. The sun was not out yet but it would be soon. She was lying in her bed, feeling completely naked. Everything had happened so fast; the shooting, the hostage, the killing. Everything had hurt so very badly. It amazed her how one moment could change a million after it. All in one night she lost one of her best friends and the man she was learning to love. The man that helped mend her heart that was slowly breaking. It killed her to break up with him. It hurt her. But she had no other choice. It was too hard, too tiring. She couldn't do it anymore. Still, she hoped he would fight for her. He _did _love her, even if she told herself a million times he did not…he did. She sighed, her chest heaving. The stinging tears formed in her eyes and she swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. _Don't cry_. But she couldn't help it, couldn't stop it. The tears dripped down her face, causing her pale skin to grow even whiter. "How did this happen?" she whispered, her breath hitching. "Oh God…" She didn't know why she was crying. It could have been about Mark. It could have been about Alex. It could even have been about Derek. But the main thing she was crying over was her life. How did it turn out this way? _Why_ did it turn out this way? She wasn't supposed to be crying over stupid men and broken hearts. She wasn't supposed to stop swimming. She wasn't supposed to be closed off. She wasn't supposed to be like _this_. Her mother's words rang in her head. _Imagine my disappointment when I wake up after 5 years and discover you are no more than ordinary! _When she first heard those somber words escape her mother's mouth she didn't believe them. She wasn't ordinary. She was talented, gifted, and in love! But that was then. And now? Now she didn't know who she was, who she wanted to be, or even who she loved. Everything was a blur. It was almost as if someone had drawn her life out on an etch-a-sketch, piece by piece, and just decided to shake it up a bit…_erase_ it. Moaning loudly, she edged herself up on her elbows. The room was black, nothing visible. She was about to turn on the light when a figure opened the door.

"Meredith," the strange man said firmly, turning on the light.

She blinked, adjusting to the brightness. "Derek? What are you doing here?"

He cleared his throat, moving his feet to sit on the edge of the bed. "I need to talk to you."

"What about?" she asked, her throat horsed.

"All my life I have lived as a perfectionist. And I know that sounds lame but I needed everything to be perfect. I would do this thing where I would plan out everything, like my life, and it had to go according to that plan…but so far, that was gotten me absolutely nowhere…" His voice trailed off, thinking of what to say next.

"Okay? So?" she said, completely confused. What did he want?

"I don't want to plan anymore Meredith…I want to _live_. And I think that sometimes, when you want to live, you have to make decisions…rash decisions, ones that could change your life forever. Even if the timing isn't right, even if you know karma will bite you in the ass, you have to do it anyway. Right?"

"Uhm…I don't know," she replied, particularly compelled with his speech.

"Well…I think this is one of those times. I just have to go with my gut feeling and stop worrying about everything wrong. I just need to trust my instincts for once, and accept the fact that I am head over heels in love with you and would do anything for you. I know I've hurt you a million times, and I am so so sorry for that. I never wanted to hurt you. But…but maybe hurting you made me realize how much I need you."

"Derek," she whispered, "Where are you going with this?"

"Meredith Grey," he declared, pulling out the ring, "Will you marry me?"

* * *

**A/N: Alright so the proposal was going to be at a different time but for some reason, my fingers typed it out like this so I'm assuming that's the way it should go **

**But anyways, yes he DID propose and yes things WILL happen and NO mark is not done with Meredith and YES Tessa will be a good thing for mark and YES there will be a lot more drama and HELL YES mark is going to find out about the proposal so **_**review **_**and you shall see how things pan out **

**MWAAHHAHAHA**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Alright guys this is the last chapter so have fun with it!!! **

She blinked. It felt as though time itself had completely stopped and they were frozen in that one moment. "Wh-what?" she got out, her voice barely above a whisper. "Marry you?"

"I understand this is huge," Derek began, his hands trembling, "And I want to give you time…so just take your time, okay?" He looked up, smiling nervously at the only woman he ever loved. "I'll still be here."

"Derek," she started, her head shaking. How did they go from there to here? How was he asking her to marry him!?

"No," he declared, nodding firmly, "Take all the time you need. I want you to think about this…it's a big decision…"

She exhaled deeply, a thousand questions swarming in her head. It was a simple answer; yes or no. Yet she couldn't say either. "Okay," she finally sighed, leaning back on her pillow.

"Okay," he agreed, giving her one last grin before disappearing out of the room.

She shook her head, not fully believing this was happening. He proposed. He seriously proposed. Everything was so unexpected, so amazingly hard. _And he_ _proposed_!!

She glanced at the clock, knowing how late it was. But a glistening sparkle caught her eye. She took the ring in her hands, wondering why it was strung onto a necklace. She ran it between her hands, around her fingers, staring at the bright diamond the entire time.

Wow," she breathed, "Wow."

Suddenly, she heard a faint knock at the door. Jumping slightly, she quickly threw the ring under her pillow. "Come in," she announced, smoothing her unruly hair.

"Dr. Grey…" Rose began, slowly opening the door, "Sorry to wake you but I have to run a few tests."

"I was already awake, it's fine," she stumbled, her words twisted and knotted in her brain.

"Okay then," Rose began, pulling out different medical instruments. "This shouldn't take long. I'm just going to clean out your leg wound and take your blood pressure."

"Fine with me," Meredith sighed, falling back onto her bed. She listened as the springs gave off a light, delicate squeak, the pressure too much. She didn't know why but ever since the shooting, every detail, ever sound, every image was engraved in her mind. She couldn't control it but she had to capture every moment because _just like that_; all her memories could be taken away from her.

"Can I tell you something?" Rose interjected. Her voice was compressed and low. "I sort of have to get it off my chest."

"Uhm okay?" Meredith said carefully, hoping this conversation wouldn't be about _him_.

"The other night, before the hostage situation, my uhm ex called…" she confessed, biting on her lower lip. Her eyes were full of fear and she was second guessing telling her ex boyfriend's ex girlfriend something like _this_.

"Oh…" Meredith began, having no idea how this topic applied to her. "Sorry?"

Rose let out a laugh, a very low, thick, humorless laugh. "No, no…don't be sorry. It's just been on my mind lately and well…I don't really have many friends who don't gossip so I figured if I just told you…" her voice faded to a whisper, "It's stupid, I'm sorry."

"No, it's not stupid," Meredith stated, looking at Rose-_really_ looking at _her_-for the first time.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Do you mind sitting up? I need to listen to your chest."

"Sure," Meredith nodded, pulling her body upwards. The movement caused her pillow to float to the ground, leaving the engagement ring completely visible.

"Oh my God," Rose gasped, pulling away at the sight of the sparkling diamond.

Meredith quickly snatched the ring, its hard diamond pushing itself further and further into her soft palm. "Sorry, that was nothing," she blurted out, hoping she wouldn't ask anymore questions.

Rose's hands flew to her mouth and she fought the urge to burst out crying. Her ring-_her _ring-he gave to Meredith?! "Oh my God…" she murmured again. The whole room seemed to be spinning around her.

"Okay…what's wrong?" Meredith asked questionably. After all, it was _just_ a ring...or was it?

Rose shook her head, collecting her many medical tools and instruments, her hands fumbling over the equipment. "Sorry, I have to uhm…leave, so just get some rest." She gave Meredith a quick nod, a nod that was neither friendly nor cruel, and slipped out the crème colored door.

Meredith was speechless…breathless. What had just happened? A series of 'Oh my Gods' was nothing to be ignored, which was exactly what Rose had just done. She opened her hand, the indents of the ring engraved in her palm. She didn't know she was clutching it so hard, holding onto it for deal life. Sighing heavily she moaned, the pain in her leg becoming greater. She figured the morphine was wearing off. She was about to reach over and press the nurse assistant button when something else caught her eye. It was the ring, her engagement ring from Derek, but there was something-some type of saying-engraved on the rim of it. Holding it up to her emerald green eyes she studied the inscription…

_To Rose, the love of my life, may death due us part. _

And in that moment, the pain in her leg seemed to go completely numb.

* * *

He hated mornings. Mornings were the worst. After all, mornings were all about getting coffee, and going to work, and waking up early, and being "responsible", and buying your one night stand breakfast and all that junk he was never in the mood for doing. Looking over at his digital clock he groaned loudly. It was 5 AM, the worst possible time God could have created. He shut off his alarm clock and yawned as he let his tired body sag over his knees. He glanced out the window. The weather seemed nice, probably still cold but nice all the same. Dragging his feet across his kitchen, he poured himself a big cup of coffee, hoping the burst of caffeine would wake him up. Sipping cautiously on the burning liquid he smiled. Images of a month ago swiped into his brain. He thought of Meredith, her tiny body covered in hot coffee. He thought of how adorable she looked in his shirt and how her eyes danced with laughter every time he flirted with her-even if she swore she never liked it. He had grown to love her, and the fact that they broke up scared the hell out of him. He dumped the rest of his coffee in the sink and hopped into the shower, the warm water cascading over his body. He inhaled deeply as the steam rose, filling his nostrils, surrounding him with warmth. Suddenly, a knock on the door stirred him from his serenity. Shutting off the water, he wrapped a towel around his waist and grasped the knob, opening the door to Tessa. 

"Oh sorry…I didn't mean to intrude," she blushed, noticing his half naked body. "I just thought you'd be up cause you're a doctor and all…"

Mark smiled. "Yeah, let me just throw some clothes on…"

"I'm not a stalker," she defended herself, tucking her hands further into her coat. "…just lonely."

"Me too," Mark agreed, pulling a shirt on.

"I'll just wait outside," she began, turning to exit the room.

"No that's okay, just wait in here. I'll go in the bathroom."

"You sure?" she asked carefully, slowly setting her bag on the bed.

"Definitely, I'll be right out."

She watched as he disappeared into the bathroom, his sweet scent lingering in the room. She sighed. It wasn't that she liked him, because she didn't. She barely knew him! But after all the compliments he gave her, all the smiles, she couldn't help but be _attracted_ to him. It didn't matter though; she thought bitterly to herself, he was crazy about another girl who couldn't love him back. She hated this! _She _could love him, _she_ could be there for him, _she_ could make him happy! Yet his heart was with _her_…and that in itself was worth a few tears.

She was about to get up and leave, thinking she looked like a complete idiot sitting there all alone, until someone burst through the doors, startling her.

"Oh," the strange man said smugly. It was amazing how in that one syllable, he could let out so much feeling, so much emotion.

"Uhm hi?" Tessa replied awkwardly, tucking her hands inside her pockets once more.

"Alright I'm ready to…" Mark started before his voice trailed off, seeing Derek there, in his hotel room for the first time since forever. "What are you doing here?"

"What the hell is _she_ doing here?!" Derek asked angrily, pointing to Tessa. "Way to cheat on your girlfriend!"

Mark stepped back, taken completely aback at the anger, the hurt in his voice. "WHAT are you talking about!?" he raised his voice, all of his emotions pouring out.

"Is Meredith just a fling to you? Just a game? God you bastard, to think she trusted _you_!"

"You have NO idea what you are talking about!" Mark screamed.

"Yeah right!" Derek shook his head, mumbling incoherent words, getting ready to leave the room…

"SHE DUMPED ME!" Mark yelled before Derek slammed the door right in his face. "She dumped me man…" he surrendered, his breath heavy. "Are you satisfied?"

Derek swallowed hard, not fully believing what Mark was saying_. She_ dumped _him_?! When? Was it after the engagement? Was she really considering marrying him? "W-when?" he stuttered, walking closer to him.

"A few days ago," Mark sighed, digging his nails into his scalp.

"Oh," Derek mumbled, his heart literally breaking. "Sorry."

"Whatever, just, just leave…" Mark got out, avoiding any eye contact with him.

"Already leaving," Derek replied, shutting the door hard on his way out.

Mark shut his eyes, the stress, the lies, the betrayals becoming too much to bare.

"Okay then…" Tessa half laughed, pulling her purse closer to her. "On that note, I'm going to leave."

"No, wait!" Mark urged her, grabbing her arm. "Stay…please?"

"Mark you obviously have some issues to take care of, just do that…don't deal with me, I'm nobody," she stated, pulling his arm away. "Just take care of the people you love."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Mark asked, knowing it was pretty much impossible.

Tessa smiled, lightly touching Mark's face. "_Go after her_."

Those three words, those three, simple words gave him strength, gave him courage, and led him to do the impossible. He was going after her; he was going to win her back, no matter how hard it took.

"Thank you Tessa," he grinned, pulling her into a hug. "You're a great friend."

"Don't mention it," she chuckled, holding back the many tears that were dying to pour out. "Good luck."

And with that, he pulled on his coat, slipped on his shoes and ran to the hospital, knowing exactly what he was going to do because right then, in that moment of time, it was the right thing to do, the perfect thing to do. Opening the door to her room, he let out a soft smile, a smile that changed everything.

"Mark?" Meredith began, "What are you-"

He crashed his lips against hers, wrapping his hands around the nape of her neck, letting his tongue slip through her delicate lips, kissing her-_really_ kissing her-like she was meant to be kissed. When they finally broke apart, two words escaped his mouth, words that he wasn't even planning on saying. "_Marry me_."

**A/N: Yayy!! The end! Don't worry though because I'm definitely doing a sequel. This was meant for a sequel and meant to end this way so keep an eye out for **_**Broken Hearts**_**…coming soon. (I'm so excited too cause I've never done a sequel so yes!!)**

**Things to keep in mind for **_**Broken Hearts**_**: Tessa likes Mark, Meredith knows it's Rose's ring (but she might think that little lovey message was from DEREK, so remember that as well), Derek proposed, Mark proposed…and I really hope you got the contrast in both of their proposals. Derek had a speech planned out and a ring, while Mark kissed her and had no speech and no ring. See the difference? I hope you did But yeah if you think you know who she's going to say 'yes' to…think again because the sequel is going to be a hell of a lot of fun. (and expect some new people to pop in here and there as well ) So thank you everyone who stuck out through this story, and please come back to read **_**Broken Hearts**_**. You guys are awesome!!!!!**

**PS: **_**Review**_**, tell me how you like the chapter, and how you like the sequel idea thingy. **


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